Some things to share on a Monday.
A couple of my jokes (which were turned in months ago) have been nixed from my upcoming Comedy Central special, because they quote song lyrics or use melodies that are owned by people. I’ve replaced them with other jokes, but they’re not jokes I like as much as the first jokes. This sucks and makes me annoyed, but the big picture is I’m getting pissed off by changes in my half hour comedy special on the television. I need to to shut up.
There was a small part in a movie a friend offered to me, and I can’t do it because this Sunday I’ll be in New York taping a stand-up special hosted by John Oliver. Sucks that I can’t do the movie, but this is a good problem to have. One awesome thing getting in the way of the other. It’s a better KIND of annoying that the kind I used to have (“I gotta work a Monday lunch???”).
My friend is playing Carnegie Hall in a couple of weeks. Yeah, I know. Holy shit is right. Let’s put that on the back burner for now. When I walk into a huge, huge building with high ceilings, I get a rush of panic that I almost enjoy. Makes me wonder if that’s one reason I do this, because I get the same thing in certain stand-up situations. Conan, for one. The audience is set up at an angle, you’re at the bottom beneath them, and you’re directly in front of a camera and the front row. Before every line I’d go, “Hmm, what’s next?” for just a second. It was like going from trapeze to trapeze for me. I think if I got onstage and did comedy at Carnegie Hall, I would have minor convulsions between jokes. It happened a little in Seattle at Bumbershoot. Our theatre (which I called the “Space Tribunal” because it was set up like the senate area in the crappy newer “Star Wars” movies) was big and the stage area was small. On the last day of shows (where I was admittedly hungover and weakened), I would do little shakes and spazms between jokes. It made people laugh, but it was just my reaction to being mildly freaked out. Point taken by me is not to drink like a cartoon hobo the night before a big gig.
Still, I hope I don’t freak out when I do my special. Well, I might, but I’ll try to keep it inside.
I was writing a pilot and getting really stuck, until I decided that the lead character was Matt Braunger. It’s now my ‘untitled pilot for Matt Braunger’ and is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. Have I ever met Matt? No. Does that make me weird? Probably.
